How to find a good therapist in Toronto (+23 questions to ask them)

Once you’ve made the decision of attending therapy, you’ll probably jump online and look up therapists, only to be faced with a new, overwhelming issue. There are thousands of therapists in Toronto, and it’s difficult to tell who knows what they’re doing and could actually help you. 

I’m a psychotherapist who’s been in the mental health field for over 6 years, but I’ve also taken on other roles. I’ve been a part of hiring therapists at a therapy group practice, and I’ve been an intake matchmaker for clients looking for their right fit therapist. I know the factors that make a good therapist, and, as importantly, I know the characteristics that make a client and therapist a good match.

Research shows that one of the most important factors to make progress in therapy is a good relationship with your therapist. Finding a good therapist isn’t just something that’s nice to have, it can make a difference in your mental healthcare.

In this article, I’ll break down:

• • Characteristics of a good therapist

• • What to look for when you’re trying to find a therapist

• • Questions to ask a therapist to make sure they’re the right fit

After reading this article, you’ll have a better feel of how to look for someone who’s the right fit for you.

 

What makes someone a good therapist for you?

Let’s get down to brass tax; what makes someone a good therapist? While the right therapist will differ from person to person, and depend a lot on someone’s needs, there are characteristics that all good therapists have. These include: 

• • They have the right qualifications. 

• • They have a professional demeanour. 

• • They are the right fit for you personally.

• • Their costs of service/insurance coverage fits your needs.

 

The right therapist has the right qualifications

Did you know that “therapist” is not a regulated term in Ontario? That means literally anyone has the right to call themselves a therapist, regardless of schooling, training, or licensing body. The same goes for “counsellor” and “coach.”

Shocking, isn’t it? The first thing you want to look out for when looking for a therapist is that they fall under one of regulating colleges in Ontario. This means that they have a baseline of training and education that makes them qualified to provide services. It also means they will be held accountable by their regulating college if they do something outside of ethical guidelines. Regulating colleges help keep people safe by establishing accountability measures to professionals.

You also want to know you know the difference between each specialist:

• • Registered Psychotherapist (RP)-  trained talk therapist regulated by the CRPO.

• • Registered Social Worker (RSW)- can provide psychotherapy if they’re trained to.

• • Psychologist- they’re trained in assessment, diagnosis, and talk therapy.

• • Psychiatrist- medical doctor that can diagnose and prescribe medication but usually doesn’t focus on talk therapy.

If you’re looking for talk therapy, an RP, RSW, or psychologist will usually be the right fit. If you’re looking for a diagnosis, a psychologist or psychiatrist will be most helpful.

This, however, is just the baseline. The next qualification you’re looking for is either experience or training in the issues specific to your needs. If a therapist focuses on just work stressors, they will likely not be the right fit for someone looking to address childhood trauma.

Similarly, not every therapy style will fit your needs. If you’re a pragmatic person, who’s looking for tools and homework, you may benefit from behavioural therapies like CBT or DBT. If you’re looking for explorative types of therapy, you may benefit from modalities like attachment work or psychodynamic work. If you’ve tried typical talk therapies in the past, and haven’t found much relief, you may be a candidate for “experiential” therapies like IFS, somatic work, or EMDR.

 

Questions to ask a new therapist related to qualifications:

1. What’s your professional title?

2. What type of therapy style do you primarily use?

3. How much experience do you have working with people dealing with [your concern]?

4. Have you received specialized training or certification in this area?

 

The right therapist has a professional demeanour

It can be hard to know what that means, so we’ll talk about this in plain terms. A therapist should:

• • Respect boundaries

• • Be curious, not controlling

• • Be reliable

 

Respects boundaries

This is incredibly important. Your therapist should never do any of the following:

• • Ask you to be friends, socialize, or connect romantically/sexually (this includes adding you on social media).

• • Contact you outside of sessions without any clinical reasons.

• • Make the session about themselves or overshare personal details.

• • Pressure you to share more than you’re ready to.

• • Shame, judge, mock, or belittle you.

• • Dismiss your experiences or emotions.

• • Push their personal beliefs, religion, politics, or values onto you.

• • Violate confidentiality except in legally required situations involving safety.

• • Touch you in any way without clear consent and therapeutic relevance.

• • Make inappropriate comments about your appearance, body, sexuality, or identity.

• • Encourage dependence or make you feel guilty for needing breaks or considering another therapist.

• • Ignore your stated boundaries or discomfort.

• • Promise guaranteed results.

• • Use manipulative tactics, fear, or intimidation.

All of these behaviours are completely unethical and not a part of therapy. You should absolutely feel safe in the therapy room, as this is the crucial foundation on top of which exploration and change can happen.

 

Be curious, not controlling

The field of mental health has changed quite a lot in past decades. Early psychoanalysts might conjure up familiar images of “all knowing experts” analyzing you silently while you lay on a couch. These days, therapy tends to be a collaborative process for a very important reason; it improves therapy outcomes.

You can experience the consequence of not having curiosity in any conversation. It feels really awful when someone comes to conclusions about you that you know are not true. 

If you’re in session finding that a therapist is “railroading” you, insisting on insights or tools that don’t feel authentic, or refusing to be flexible, it may be a sign that curiosity and humility is lacking. Therapy is not about making you feel condescended or like you don’t know enough. A good therapist will hold to their core that the client is the expert of their own experience. Our role is simply to provide insight and tools that may have been blocked from your vantage point.

 

Be reliable

This one often goes understated, but it’s important. It is not okay for your therapist to be:

• • Constantly late.

• • Moving sessions last minute without explanation

• • Not showing up to booked sessions.

• • Forgetting major details repeatedly.

• • Showing up distracted, disorganized, or emotionally dysregulated.

• • Taking calls, texting, or multitasking during your session.

• • Making you feel like an afterthought or burden.

Therapists are human beings, and from time to time, we all have emergencies, sudden illness, or scheduling conflicts. It’s only when it becomes a pattern that it signals unreliability.

Your time, energy, and investment in your mental health are important. Your therapist should always communicate clearly about scheduling changes, be attentive during sessions, and create a sense of consistency in session.

 

Questions to ask your new therapist related to professional demeanour:

5. What does the therapeutic relationship look like in your practice?

6. How collaborative is your approach to therapy?

7. How do you adapt your approach if something isn’t working for a client?

8. What is your cancellation and rescheduling policy?

 

The right therapist is the right fit for you personally.

Outside of professional demeanour, you also want your therapist to have the right personal demeanour. A therapist might be great, but during your consultation you might find that they’re too:

• • Clinical or emotionally distant while you’re looking for more emotionality.

• • Quiet or reserved when you want someone more conversational.

• • Passive when you’re looking for more structure and guidance.

• • Gentle when you want someone more challenging and direct.

• • Blunt when you need warmth and softness.

• • Highly analytical when you want emotional depth.

• • Focused on problem-solving when you mainly need emotional processing.

• • Spiritual or holistic when that doesn’t resonate with you.

• • Strictly evidence-based when you’re looking for a more exploratory approach.

• • Fast-paced when you need more time and reflection.

• • Formal when you prefer a more relaxed and human style.

Every therapist is different in communication style, humour, energy, and personality, and not every personality is going to be a good fit. 

During a consultation call, you want to take note; do you feel comfortable talking to this person? Is this someone to which you could see yourself opening up? Keep in mind that through open communication, a therapist may be able to better suit their approach to you, but that if their personality feels too “far away” from your preferences, it may be best to look for someone else.

Background may also have a part to play in all of this. You may find that gender affects your ability to talk about more vulnerable topics. You may feel better understood by someone who already understands your religious or cultural background, or, on the flip side, you may prefer someone who feels further removed from that. Some therapists openly identify as queer or neurodivergent, and depending on your identity and topics of discussion, that may be something that’s of benefit to you.

Lastly, they may be a great therapist, but they are not the right fit therapist for you if their schedule or availability doesn’t align with yours. For example: 

• • Their office is too far away from you.

• • They only offer daytime sessions, but you work during those hours.

• • You’re looking for in-person therapy, but they only offer virtual.

• • Their availability changes too often to maintain consistent sessions.

• • They have a long waitlist when you need more immediate support.

Practical considerations are not less important than emotional fit. Failing to consider them may leave you setting yourself up for unnecessary stress and inconsistency in treatment. Therapy works best when you’re realistically able to attend sessions regularly without constantly rearranging your life to make it happen.

 

Questions to ask your new therapist related to right fit:

9. How would you describe your general approach or style in therapy sessions?

10. How do you tailor therapy to someone who is more [pragmatic/emotional/analytical/etc.]?

11. Do you focus more on emotional processing, problem-solving, or both?

12. Do you have experience working with clients from [my cultural/religious/sexual/gender identity]?

13. What days and times do you have open availability?

14. Are sessions virtual, in-person, or hybrid?

15. Is ongoing weekly or biweekly scheduling available?

16. How far in advance are sessions usually booked?

 

The right therapist’s costs of service fits your needs.

It’s overwhelming to have to consider insurance and cost of services when you’re already struggling with your mental wellbeing. It’s the unfortunate reality that despite the fact that mental health is healthcare, most therapy services in Ontario are not covered by OHIP (although there are programs that are).

As you’re looking for the right therapist, you want to make sure that you consider the following:

• • Cost of services.

• • Sliding Scales.

• • Insurance coverage.

 

Cost of Services

It’s completely okay to ask questions about the cost of services in a direct manner. Transparent care includes talking about pricing, and it’s an early red flag if a therapist is shady around their fees. If they don’t list their pricing on their website, ask about it during a consultation call. 

You can also ask your therapist about frequency of sessions, and share any limitations you may have. A therapist should try to keep in mind those limitations as they create your treatment plan. For example, if your insurance is limited, they may lean on more brief therapy styles, like CBT or SFBT, or spread sessions apart and give more homework to maintain momentum in your work.

 

Sliding Scale

Some therapists offer sliding scales fees to their clients. A sliding scale fee is a flexible payment system where the cost of therapy is adjusted based on your income, financial situation, or ability to pay. Usually, spots on a sliding scale are limited to what the therapist can manage.

You may qualify for a therapist’s sliding scale if you’re:

• • Student or low-income earner

• • Recently unemployed or under financial stress

• • Experiencing high costs for therapy but need ongoing support

You don’t have to give a lot of detail about why you need a sliding scale during the call, just inquiring about flexible fees is okay. 

 

Insurance Coverage

Insurance coverage ranges from plan to plan. You may find that your insurance covers you for a percentage of sessions, up to a certain amount per session, or gives you an allotted amount you can spend per year. 

Different plans also cover different professionals. Some may only cover psychologists, while others offer coverage for psychotherapists and social workers.

Different practices will or will not provide direct billing. While most private practices do not, it’s always good to ask. If a practice does not offer direct billing, you would have to pay for each session upfront and then you’d receive a receipt with all the details necessary to submit to your insurance provider.

Knowing exactly what’s covered can help you avoid unwelcome surprises in the future.

 

Questions to ask your new therapist related to cost and coverage:

17. What is your fee per session, and how long are sessions?

18. Do you offer a sliding scale for clients with financial constraints?

19. Do you offer direct billing to insurance providers?

20. Which professional designations are covered under your services (psychotherapist, psychologist, social worker, etc.)?

21. Can you provide receipts for insurance reimbursement?

22. How often do you typically recommend sessions at the beginning of therapy?

23. Are there options for less frequent sessions if finances are limited?

 

All in All,

Looking for your therapist isn’t easy, but you can feel more confident knowing you’re exploring the right things. It isn’t uncommon to attend sessions with several therapists before finding the one for you. Trust your gut, and guide yourself around the question, “Can I realistically see myself feeling safe and open with this person?”

 

Looking for a therapist in Toronto?

Because I know how tough it is to find a therapist in Toronto, I do a few things to ease the process. 

Firstly, if during our 15-minute consultation either of us realize we’re not the right fit, I will try not to leave you empty handed. I have a network of trusted therapists I will try to refer you to. If we agree that you need a different set of services, I’ll try to refer you to those.

Secondly, I offer a no-risk first session. What does that mean? If we complete our first session and you realize I’m not the right fit, let me know, I promise I’m not sensitive. I will refund you the full cost of our first session, and try to refer you to another therapist based on any feedback.

It’s already extremely difficult to take the first step and look for a therapist, whether it’s with me or someone else, I will always try to make it a little bit easier.

I offer online and in person sessions. If you’re interested in booking a free 15-minute intake, you can book here, or shoot me an email here. I will try to get back to you within 24 hours.