10 Green Flags that Your New Therapist Is a Good Match
If you’ve started the process of therapy, congratulations! It’s not always easy to get to that point and it’s wonderful that you’re accessing the healthcare you need. Now, you may be curious if your therapist is actually a good match.
I’ve been a registered psychotherapist for years, but I have also helped hire therapists for a group practice and I’ve been a therapist matchmaker for years, helping people find their right fit therapist. Throughout my work, I’ve seen some really great signs that a client has found their therapist.
In this article, I’ll break some of the most common signs now. By the end of the article, you’ll have a better idea whether your therapist is a good match for you.
1. You Like Them
It seems basic doesn’t it? But it’s actually crucial. Years and years of research suggest that there is one factor that affects how useful therapy will be for you more than any other: the therapeutic relationship.
The therapeutic relationship is exactly what it sounds like, your alliance to your therapist. It includes the following:
- Your ability to trust your therapist
- Feeling empathy from your therapist
- Having mutual respect with your therapist
- Being able to open up to your therapist
- Feeling safe with your therapist
- Collaborating with your therapist
- Feeling heard and understood by your therapist
It makes sense why this would be so important; it is through these conditions that we are able to delve into more vulnerable experiences and begin to experience changes in our lives. Without having a strong therapeutic relationship, we’re not going to feel comfortable or safe opening up, much less trusting that they can help us navigate the issues in our lives.
2. They Maintain Boundaries
This one’s crucial; the greenest of green flags is that your therapist respects ethical and professional boundaries. A good therapist will not do any of the following:
- Share inappropriate details about their personal life
- Contact you outside of therapy for reasons that aren’t clinically necessary
- Ask you to keep secrets from other people in your life
- Make romantic or sexual comments, flirt with you, or engage in any kind of sexual relationship with you
- Pressure you to share more than you’re ready to share
- Make decisions for you or tell you exactly what you “should” do with your life
- Use their position of authority to manipulate, shame, guilt, or control you
- Ignore your privacy or confidentiality
- Blur the lines around money, gifts, social media, or other parts of the therapeutic relationship
This doesn’t mean that your therapist needs to feel cold or distant, a good therapist can maintain boundaries while still feeling warm, personable, and genuinely caring. The difference is that they understand that they are your therapist and that this relationship comes with a responsibility to keep it safe and professional.
Healthy boundaries actually make it easier to relax into therapy. You don’t have to wonder what your therapist wants from you, whether you’ve crossed a line, or whether you need to take care of their feelings. Your job is to focus on yourself, their job is to hold the therapeutic space.
3. Your schedules work
This one’s underrated, but really important. You might have an incredible therapist, but that simply won’t matter if you can’t reliably see them!
If they work daytimes and you can only do evenings, if they’re booked weeks in advance and you can only see them sporadically, or if they only work days that you’re not free, they might, unfortunately not be the right fit.
Being able to see your therapist reliably helps you maintain momentum in your work, which creates a context in which change can actually happen. If you’ve found a therapist with whom you don’t need to rush to get to sessions or book during odd times, it’s a huge green flag.
4. They can work on what you’re dealing with
Another simple but essential one; they actually work with the issues you’re dealing with. Not every therapist will (or even should) work with everything under the sun. Some presentations simply don’t fall under our competencies, and that’s okay.
If your therapist actually has experience and expertise working with some of the issues that concern you, you can really feel the difference. Therapy should absolutely be collaborative, but there are moments when direction and structure from your therapist is needed, and this is when their knowledge will really shine.
They can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing, ask questions that get to the heart of the issue, and offer direction when you feel stuck. There’s a sense that you’re not just talking in circles, you’re actually working toward something. Even when therapy feels difficult, you can trust that there’s thought and intention behind what your therapist is doing. If you’ve found that in a therapist, it’s a definite green flag.
5. They Explain the Practical Stuff
You shouldn’t have to guess how therapy with them works. They’re clear about things like cancellations, fees, scheduling, communication between sessions, and what to expect from your appointments.
They also make it easy to ask questions when you’re unsure about something. You know what you’re agreeing to, what things cost, and what happens if you need to reschedule. It’s not particularly exciting, but having these things clearly communicated makes therapy much easier.
6. Your pace and their pace match
This one can be easy to overlook. Different therapists have different styles; some are more structured and goal-oriented, others are more comfortable sitting with things and letting you lead. Neither approach is inherently better, one might just be a better fit for you.
If you want to dive into things and your therapist spends months staying on the surface, you might feel frustrated. On the other hand, if you need time to build trust and they’re constantly pushing you to go deeper before you’re ready, therapy can start to feel overwhelming.
A green flag therapist can meet you where you are while still helping you move forward. You don’t feel rushed, but you also don’t feel like you’re stuck. There’s a sense that you’re moving at a pace that feels challenging enough to create change, but comfortable enough that you can actually stay engaged.
7. They Can Admit When They’re Wrong
Your therapist is the professional, but that absolutely does not mean they’re always right. I had a professor once tell our class, “It doesn’t matter if you know everything about psychology, your clients know everything about their lives, so don’t ever stop being curious and humble.”
It’s absolutely true, and as a client, you should feel that your therapist embodies that message. No one’s perfect, sometimes a therapist will misunderstand something you said, make an assumption that doesn’t fit, or realize that an approach they suggested isn’t working for you. It’s great if they can acknowledge that without becoming defensive or trying to convince you that you misunderstood them.
You might hear something as simple as, “I think I misunderstood what you meant,” or, “That approach doesn’t seem to be working for you. Let’s try something else.” Being able to repair those moments is so, so important. If you found a therapist who can recognize it when they get it wrong and pivot, you’ve found yourself a green flag.
8. They Just Get It
It’s not a requirement that your therapist share your cultural background, gender or sexuality identity, country of origin, religion, age, or race. However, having someone that understands the dynamics of your background can be so incredibly nice!
Not having to explain the nuances of your cultural background or familial dynamics before diving into the issues you have with your parents can save you time and energy. Seeing that your therapist understands the religious text you’re referencing can be relieving. Knowing your therapist also experiences the racial dynamics you experience can help you feel that much more comfortable. It might seem silly, but even not having to explain the lingo or tech you’re referencing when telling a story to a similar-aged therapist can make you feel understood.
Now, does a therapist need to have the same lived experience as you? Not necessarily, but it is important that you feel understood, respected, and comfortable enough to be honest with them. What signals a green flag is having someone who is genuinely curious, willing to learn, and doesn’t make you feel like you have to teach them everything about who you are.
9. They Come Prepared
You can really feel the difference when your therapist has actually looked at your notes, thought about things in between sessions, or remembered what you discussed last time. They have a sense of where you left off and don’t spend the first ten minutes of every session trying to figure out what you were talking about previously.
You don’t need your therapist to have a perfectly planned agenda every time. But when they seem present, organized, and intentional about your sessions, it gives you a sense that your time together matters, and that’s a big green flag.
10. They celebrate your progress
Another underrated one! It’s tough sometimes to notice your own progress. I often tell my clients that it’s really easy to forget the problems we no longer have and focus on the ones that we have left. A therapist who actually celebrates your milestones can influence you in several ways. Acknowledging your progress can:
- Boost your sense of self-worth: Having someone recognize how far you’ve come can help you see yourself as capable of making meaningful changes.
- Make progress feel real: When you’re focused on what’s still difficult, your therapist can help you notice the things that have actually changed.
- Build motivation: Recognizing small wins can make it easier to keep going when the work feels slow or frustrating.
- Strengthen your confidence: Seeing evidence that you’ve handled things differently can make you trust yourself more when new challenges come up.
- Help you internalize your growth: Over time, celebrating your progress can help you recognize that the changes aren’t just happening because of therapy, you’re the one making them.
If you’ve found a therapist who knows what’s important to you and reminds you of how you’ve achieved that, or are on your way towards achieving that is a green flag that you’ve found the right match.
Finding a Therapist in Toronto
Finding the right therapist isn’t always as simple as checking off a list of green flags. Sometimes it takes a few sessions to figure out whether the relationship feels right, and sometimes you may realize that a therapist who seemed like a good fit on paper isn’t actually the right person for you. That’s okay! Finding the right match is part of the process.
If you’re still looking for that person, reach out. You can email me or book a free consultation. I offer in-person therapy in Toronto and online therapy throughout Ontario. If you and I are not a good fit, I can also try to refer you to a therapist from my trusted network that might be a better match!
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